Smarty Spot

Friday, June 30, 2006

Otherwise Occupied

I am sorry I haven't updated in a few days! As the picture below shows, I've been otherwise occupied.

Now, you are no doubt thinking, why would chewing a bone take up so much time? That's because the finer points of bone consumption are lost on humans, who often throw away the bones of their victims without even enjoying them (the bones, that is). In fact, I've heard that the only time humans make much fuss over a bone is when they eat a turkey, and even then they just make a wish, snap the bone in half, and it still ends up in the trash. If that were me, I'd be wishing I could chew on that bone! Better yet, why wish? I'd just grab it and run!

Last Thanksgiving I was only six months old, so I hadn't quite figured out the system. But I'm already making plans for this Thanksgiving. I will not let those bones go to waste!

Anyway, I wanted to share with you exactly why bone chewing takes the time it does.

First, you have to get mentally psyched up. As with all meals, as soon as you see a human preparing something on the counter you need to get in position and get ready. There are many aspects to this preparation -- mental, physical, balance, and especially attitude. This last point (attitude) is especially important, and it's really a lifelong journey.

Second, you have to eat the bone of course. I admit this part actually goes pretty quickly.

Third, you have to eat Scrappy's bone. If you have accomplished step #2 properly, you are usually in a good position to get hold of Scrappy's portion, which probably has a lot of meat left on it. She eats slow.

Fourth, you have to rest. All the mental energy consumed by those first three steps can really wear a whippet out.

Fifth, when you awake, you'll feel bloated, but Scrappy will still look gaunt. This will require a short period of self-justification and sometimes apology. (Scrappy, if you're reading this -- I apologize in advance for next time!)

Sixth, it's time to get psyched up about your next meal!

See? There's a lot that goes into it! In fact, I'm in the middle of step #6 right now. I better get going so I can give this my best effort.

Till next time!


  • At 9:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My dear Smarty:
    I know exactly what you mean by wanting to make the most of those bones. When the man of my home takes me to a fancy restaurant he doesn't let me eat veal chops anymore! Isn't that a drag. He says I act like a "wild animal" when I get to the bone part! I love those bones too!!!! It is totally acceptable for you to pick them up with your hands but it isn't for me. DARN! Keep up the good work. If Scrappy can't keep up, it will be her problem. I love her too but life is tough. She must get a "Helmet"!!!!
    Love and kisses:
    Lucy's Mom

  • At 10:58 AM, Anonymous Katrina said…

    Dear Smarty,

    We love to see you crunching those bones up!!!!


Post a Comment

<< Home