Smart Advice: An Open Letter to Lucy

Dear Lucy,

Thank you for your letter! I’m sorry it took me a few days to get to it. Lately it seems everybody needs advice! For example, one young whippet from California wrote to ask whether she was on a raw food diet since her owner doesn’t add anything to her “raw” kibble.

But you’re my sister, so I moved your letter right up to the top of the stack. Well, almost to the top anyway. I did have to renew my subscriptions to Squirrel Aficionado (which is a little high brow for me, but has great pictures) and Highlights. But aside from those business matters, your letter received priority.

So, let me get to your question: You asked, “Are three whippets better than two?”

This is a good question, and one I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Clearly two are better than one - that’s common knowledge. But three… let’s consider.

The biggest advantage of a third whippet is that there is more food placed on the floor at once. If you’re quick, you might be able to gain from someone else’s loss…if you know what I mean. This may not be proper behavior according to some ethical theories, but usually the additional whippet is smaller and so probably doesn’t need all its food anyway.

The biggest disadvantage relates to attention span. That is, the span of your owner’s attention will presumably decrease since now she must divide time between three whippets. Now, if you are the quiet type – if you like to read long novels, do crossword puzzles, watch infomercials, etc – this can be a welcome relief from an overbearing owner. But if you demand attention, you will need to put your paw down and keep your owner from creating this attention deficit.

There is an important exception to the rule, though: If your owner has a personal assistant - someone who walks you, perhaps – that frees up the owner to have additional whippets with far less maintenance. And you still get the attention you need, because those assistants tend to be very friendly – after all, if they entered the whippet walking profession they must love animals, right?

Beware, though. There’s something known as “assistant spook.” This is a widely reported phenomenon in which the assistants – otherwise mild mannered, unassuming helpers - react with a bit of shock to the additional whippet. They will sit around in a daze, almost unable to pick up a leash. There have been cases of this reported that have lasted months! Some warn that “assistant spook” is connected to maladies known as “assistant rage” and “assistant gone postal,” but this has not been proven definitively.

Hopefully that gives you an idea of the pros and cons of allowing a third whippet to share your space. So… why do you ask?

Your sister,

Smarty