Smarty Spot

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Trick or Treat?

As everyone knows, I'm not one for conspiracy theories. Theories are far too complex. If there's a conspiracy, I just want someone to tell me so I can get on with my life with the appropriate degree of anger, paranoia, and alarm.

Well, turn your alarm clocks on, because you're about to learn what's going down. Take a look at this picture:

And this one:

Notice what's going on here. They've broken Scoche's will! They've reduced her to a piece of entertainment... a circus act... a show dog!

Somehow using the treats to turn Scoche into their private plaything, their personal puppet!

Look closely and you'll see them pulling the strings, like true puppet masters. (You've wondered where humans earned the title "master"?)

I would have never thought it possible. Me? Sure! I'll do anything for a treat. But Scoche? No way! I'm not sure how they did it... Are the treats tainted? I've heard about Halloween horror stories like this. Or, is this what awaits all whippets when we get to be Scoche's age?

This second possibility actually cheered me up. I realized hey, I'll never be that old! Scoche is like, forever years old - I think she's eight or nine even. Maybe a hundred.

But then I started thinking... not theorizing, mind you, but thinking. And I started putting pieces together. A lot of scary things have been going on lately.

Take for example my recent trip to the vet. In my experience, the vet is to animals what a pool hall or ping pong parlour is to humans - a place to relax, hang out, meet friends, play on the tables. But this last time, I go there, and some weird lady sticks me with a giant needle and literally draws blood out of me (seriously!).

And I'd like to mention that it hurt.

Then, I get another "opportunity" to go somewhere fun - at least that's what the tone of voice implied - and I end up abducted, in a headlock, and nearly drowned in a tub!

They haven't broken my will yet. I'm only pretending to be amiable, needy, and submissive while I figure out their endgame.

Meanwhile, those qualities really do help you to get more treats. And who can argue with that?


  • At 4:56 PM, Anonymous Smarty said…

    The tricks continue. Today we were taken outside for the first time in days, only to be marched through the pouring rain. I would've rather seen the latest rerun of Woody Woodpecker had I known that's what we were in for! Scoche seemed to appreciate it, though, which again proves what they've done to her psyche!


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