The Nature of True Virtue

No trees were harmed in the making of this Smarty Spot.

The nature of true virtue has a lot to do with, well, nature. At least that's what the people on TV seem to say: a good person is friendly to the environment.

So I've been thinking about my carbon pawprint lately. Overall, I think I score pretty well! I've never harmed our local rain forest, or sought to depopulate it. If I've upset the ecosystem at all, it's only because my environment was invaded first.


So, I think that as far as virtue goes I qualify as a "good dog."

Okay, okay, it is true that I've requested my share of rides in the family van. With the air conditioning on. And my own can of Mountain Dew (it has to be in a can, otherwise it's not carbonated enough).

Oh, and there was that incident where I accidentally pumped the gas into the wrong person's car... through their window... But that's because I didn't grow up pumping gas - I'm originally from New Jersey, where they pump it for you. I'm not taking the blame for that.

Oh, and it's also true that I've eaten some of the environment... just the low lying part, though...


But that's not harmful to the environment, is it? I mean, not to its emotions. It's a sign of appreciation!

Besides, half of what I eat turns out not to be biodegradable anyway. My motto is "eat first, ask questions later." And that must be good for the environment!

So, I think my good deeds outweigh my bad ones, and that my carbon pawprint is bigger -- oops, I guess I mean smaller -- than average. I am very proud of myself.

And I guess that means I should look down on all of you. That's the way virtue works, right?

Shame on the rest of you!



Hmmm...

You know...

It's lonely here at the top of the virtue food chain. Plus, there's not much to eat. I might just need to go munch down a few acorns or throw a soda can onto the lawn so I can be back down there with you less virtuous folks...

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound...