Documentary Evidence

In an effort to expand the reach of Smarty Spot, I've been trying for a while now to produce a dogumentary that would appeal not only to current fans of this blog - who tend to listen to AM radio and country music - but also to the PBS crowd. You know, the type who find 20 hours of black and white photos about baseball or the Civil War, or the two combined, entertaining.

How was I to know that the master of slow moving documentaries himself, Ken Burns, was a reader of this blog! It even seems likely that his next 10-part series will be based on this blog! Well, there's certainly plenty of material. It will simply require converting the photos to black and white and carefully extracting the humor - leaving only the bare historical research remaining.

So, in honor of Mr. Burns, I've begun documenting a little "Civil War" that's been going on right now, right near the Mason-Dixon line.

I figure the documentary can start out with this chilling photo, showing a once harmonious relationship (almost a mother-daughter relationship) torn in two.

You'll notice I colorized the photo to make it more appealing to the younger generation. Plus, black and white photos always make me look black and white -- I guess that's the price you pay. But why bother? I figure the older PBS crowd can wear sunglasses and get the same effect, or listen to the documentary on cassette tape to avoid all that color.

Anyway... As the documentary moves to the question of the cause of this civil unrest, the camera can pan over this photo that shows the culprit.


She looks so innocent, doesn't she? Who would have guessed that this mother of nine could be such a warmonger... such an expansionist!!

Pan in on her rear and you'll see what I mean. (Hopefully this won't bump us into an "R" rating.)


A-ha! You see that! Look just a tad bit closer... who's that under there, being crushed by Scoche's Blitzkrieg?


Don't tread on me! And you wonder where I've been lately... sheesh.

This was not a war I entered into willingly. But as you know, I will fight for my freedom!

Alternatively, I'd be willing to negotiate, compromise, or - if it's time for evening snacks - possibly even surrender.

But whatever it is we do, it has to fill up about 10 DVDs. So I guess we have plenty of time to figure it out!