Heaven Help Us

I'm predicting rain.

Why? Because there are a lot of animals being gathered together around here. Take a look for yourself:


I've heard all about Noah and those animals, and so I couldn't help but notice all these animals. And such variety! The last time this happened, things got real wet real quick. The good news is, there are still plenty of animals I don't see here - it might be a while before little Noah Jr. here obtains his own panda bear, for example, or even his own squid. Oh, I guess a squid can survive a flood, huh? Well, in any case, this little animal gatherer is not very mobile, so I'm guessing we still have some time before we're "singin' in the rain."

In the meantime, I'll enjoy hanging out with the big green bug and the disproportioned moose. But there's one little animal visitor I'd rather avoid:


I don't know why I don't trust this one. Maybe it's his self-congratulatory nature. I mean, I have feet, hands, and a tummy. I know the tummy is harder to see because of my slender whippet waist, but it's there, barking out orders all the time...trust me. But I don't go around advertising my body parts like I'm some sort of floozy.

And that smile! What's up with that? Everyone knows that smiles are to be used sparingly, especially if we are indeed going to experience a wet worldwide judgment. How can you talk about the end of the world with a big, goofy grin? Try this look instead:


See? That look will gain you respect and maintain your dignity. Much more reverent, too.

Of course, some of us take this a little too far...


This moves things from "prophetic" to "pathetic." That's not good for anyone's religion!

Well, we'll keep working on this. Like I said, we have plenty of time... I think. I might just leave "The Weather Channel" on in the background, just in case!