Smarty Spot

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Sunday Moanin' and Where Has the Time Gone?

Time is not on my side.

I woke up, as usual, at 7:00 am. As is my custom, I spent the next hour carefully monitoring the female owner’s sleep patterns and subtle movements. In my usual ways, I created an environment condusive to her waking up in time to feed me at 8:00 am.

Now, it’s important to know that this 8:00 feeding time was not my idea. I lobbied hard for a more reasonable time – or times – namely, 6:00 am (appetizer), 6:30 am (few pounds of raw food as a main course), and a third feeding at 6:45 am (dessert, something simple like a fudge brownie cake). So clearly this one little feeding at 8:00 am is not my first choice; it resulted from difficult negotiations and a lot of sacrifice on my part for the sake of this whippet-human relationship.

So anyway, this morning she refuses to get out of bed. I keep illustrating to her how to do it: jump off the bed, land on the floor, through the door, take the first right, slide across the wood floor to the double doors on the left, and there you are – in the kitchen.

But whenever I did this, she was not behind me. Did she fail to make that right turn? Did she slide too far and hit the dining room wall (I know this happens to novices sometimes)?

She was just relaxing away, as if our heavily negotiated trust relationship meant nothing. Soon it was an unconscionable 8:30 am!

About the third time of running from bedroom to kitchen, I noticed something strange. The clock in the kitchen said 7:30 am.

I checked my inner clock. 8:30.

I checked the position of the sun. 8:30.

I checked my level of discontent. 8:30.

I checked the clock again. Still 7:30!

And by now, I am not having a good "time" – literally.

You know, after those horrible negotiating sessions a year ago, I used to monitor the clocks much more carefully. It’s not that I didn’t trust my nice owners, but I thought they might try to save money on food by slowly but surely making meals later and later – until one day you’ve crossed over into the next day.

Okay, now it’s 8:30… again… helloooo?

Well, it’s time to do what everyone else does these days: take the battle to the airwaves and the internet. So while I’m on hold with the local talk radio station, I invite you to take a look at this picture. Is this what you would want to see when you sit down to a meal?

Sure, it’s shiny. But there’s NO FOOD!! Isn't that the important part??

Okay, pardon me, the call screener is going to talk to me now…

What? “Daylight Savings Time”? C’mon, heaping adjectives in front of the word “time” doesn’t change the simple fact that it’s time for breakfast!

What is this, some kind of vast right wing conspiracy?

I guess I’ll call NPR next…


  • At 4:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My dear sister Smarty:
    Wow...wetotally missed that here in Hackensack! We must have slept through it!!


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