Multiple Choice

Yes, there is an elephant in the room. And I'm not talking politics.

An "elephant in the room" is something important that people are unwilling to talk about. Of course, now I'm talking about the elephant which seems contradictory... This is why English is, again, so confusing. So much simpler to give a couple barks and a low guttural moan. A whippet is never afraid to bark her mind.

So anyway, just what is the elephant in the room? Take a guess. For the following pictures from Saturday's "race meet," you choose the the answer that is most appropriate for the picture in question.


The above picture shows:

A) Me, with two of my half siblings
B) Me, wearing my mom's new collar
C) A relaxing autumn day
D) Me, not racing.

The correct answer is D. Remember, I said which answer is most accurate. And the most glaring detail in this picture is that, while I'm at a "race meet," it looks about as exciting as a "business meeting."

Try again:


This picture shows:

A) Me stretching
B) Not me, but Gilley stretching
C) A relaxing autumn day
D) Not me, not racing

Yes, the correct answer is D again. The most important part of this picture is in the background: A van with a whippet cooped up inside, caged like a common criminal although you would think she would be out there racing with all her friends. Had I been able to reach my cell phone, I would have called Animal Cops.

So as you can see, I spent the whole day:

A) Racing
B) Not racing
C) Not racing and getting very upset about it
D) Not racing and getting very, very upset about it

The correct answer is not D this time. No, the correct answer is more like Y or Z.

I shouldn't say I didn't get to run at all. I did get one chance to go to the boxes, but I could tell it wasn't for real. There were no cheering fans. No crowds gathered at the finished line. No reporters with all their questions after the big run. No prizes or ribbons. No theme music. No linament. (I know a couple or a few of these things are just in my imagination, but I love racing so much it's hard to tell the difference... especially when I haven't had a chance to race in so long!)

You can call it running, but you can't call it racing.

So now what? What do you think I should do?

A) Go on strike: stop all household chores immediately until given a chance to really race
B) Channel frustration into art: use this time to write complaintive country music
C) Co-opt "new media": use cyberspace to get out my message, bringing public pressure on my owners to get me to the race I need and deserve
D) Binge: have an extra big meal, sleep hard, and hope for better luck next time

The correct answer is...

D... Food heals all wounds, as they say. And I'm willing to give my owner another chance. Now it's just a matter of getting her to serve up that extra big meal.

How about that elephant? Mmmm...