Smarty in High Resolution

Since I didn't get to go to the practice in Delaware yesterday (ahem), I had time to draft my New Year's Resolutions. Here they are, in order of achievability:

As always, I want (1) a more steady diet. Eating once in the morning and once at night, with some grass nibbling in the afternoon, doesn't work for me. The humans eat far more often than I do - in fact, I am planning an entire expose on this injustice. Which leads to my next resolution...

Imagine my disappointment when I turn on Animal Planet and see nothing but meerkats. And then when they have a "dog show" I see oddities like this:



"Animal Cops" is a great title for a show, but the cops aren't animals!! They're played by humans instead. The poor dogs on the show hardly look like the best Hollywood has to offer, and in my opinion they come off looking like victims. So then I turn on a show that sounds really good: "Dog the Bounty Hunter." But there's no dog, only a very hairy human (or two). I mean, are there not enough dogs in the world to star in these shows?

So my next resolution is to (2) start my own TV show! I haven't decided whether to pitch it to the networks or to Nickelodeon, but if the humans let me I might even try HBO. Working title: "Dog the Bunny Hunter!"

This show will require some better branding, which means that I need to (3) start my own line of sportswear: Smarty Gear. My main plan for advertising is to get my logo on a Nascar, and also have toys that will be placed in McDonald's Happy Meals or Captain Crunch cereal.

Which reminds me of my final resolution: I want to win a few more races so that I can (4) appear on a box of Wheaties. That is, if I don't roll out my own cereal brand first: Smarty Pops!

Happy New Years!