Smarty Spot

Monday, January 01, 2007

Smarty in High Resolution

Since I didn't get to go to the practice in Delaware yesterday (ahem), I had time to draft my New Year's Resolutions. Here they are, in order of achievability:

As always, I want (1) a more steady diet. Eating once in the morning and once at night, with some grass nibbling in the afternoon, doesn't work for me. The humans eat far more often than I do - in fact, I am planning an entire expose on this injustice. Which leads to my next resolution...

Imagine my disappointment when I turn on Animal Planet and see nothing but meerkats. And then when they have a "dog show" I see oddities like this:

"Animal Cops" is a great title for a show, but the cops aren't animals!! They're played by humans instead. The poor dogs on the show hardly look like the best Hollywood has to offer, and in my opinion they come off looking like victims. So then I turn on a show that sounds really good: "Dog the Bounty Hunter." But there's no dog, only a very hairy human (or two). I mean, are there not enough dogs in the world to star in these shows?

So my next resolution is to (2) start my own TV show! I haven't decided whether to pitch it to the networks or to Nickelodeon, but if the humans let me I might even try HBO. Working title: "Dog the Bunny Hunter!"

This show will require some better branding, which means that I need to (3) start my own line of sportswear: Smarty Gear. My main plan for advertising is to get my logo on a Nascar, and also have toys that will be placed in McDonald's Happy Meals or Captain Crunch cereal.

Which reminds me of my final resolution: I want to win a few more races so that I can (4) appear on a box of Wheaties. That is, if I don't roll out my own cereal brand first: Smarty Pops!

Happy New Years!


  • At 4:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Smarty, you were missed at practice yesterday. It was my first real practice and I was a very good boy. I got to chase after the bunny 3 times!
    Happy New Year!
    luv, your half brother Villain

  • At 7:47 PM, Blogger Holly said…


    My human eats more often - and more - than I do, too. When you figure out how to correct this, please let me know.


  • At 8:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    MY dear Sister Smarty:
    The female human here eats like she is going to the electric chair! When she isn't stuffing herself, she brings out that new toy, makes it click and then gives Tula and me a shameful crumb! Sit, down, walk backwards, walk on three legs, go to the mat... yaddy ya. I think we need the animal cop here to bring her to justice. I want to click that thing so I can monitor her treats!!
    By the way, we didn't get to go to Delaware either...rats!

  • At 2:56 PM, Blogger Hildegarde Fillmore said…

    Dearest Smarty,

    Please note that you have a grammatical error in your New Year's greeting. It is "Happy New Year!". There is no "s", dear. Did you skip greetings in grammar school?

    Mrs. F


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