Don't Leave Me Out!

I don't like being left out of anything. If the van is leaving, I want to be in it. If food is being eaten, I want to taste it. If affection is being lavished, I want to be the lavishee. You get the picture.

As a pup of my generation, I also don't want to be left out of any technological trends. Face it, you fall behind even one day and the next thing you know you're irreparably passe. I mean, could you imagine living in today's world without your own cell phone, iPod, or 3D glasses? I for one cannot, and will not!

Which is why I worry when I see something like this:


What's going on here? It looks like the little human is being trained to fly his own spaceship, which I've wanted to do since I was four months old. This is very unfair.

And check out this new little eating contraption:


I think it's called an iBowl. You eat out of it like a regular bowl, but it comes in fancy colors and the food is downloaded straight into your mouth. You can only imagine how much I want one of those!

As you can see, I can't afford to fall behind any further. Next thing you know, they'll invent a way for dogs to let themselves into the backyard and I'll still be standing at the door waiting to be let out by someone else, looking like a complete idiot! Pass me the lava lamp and the 8-track tapes while you're at it...

There's only one thing to do: Begin advanced negotiation techniques.

Hand over the iBowl and you can have the kid back!