Treatise on Love

It may seem I haven't written in a while. This is because I've been encouraged by those around me to tackle some of the great issues of humanity, topics like love and justice and ethics and all that stuff.

Not being human, I wondered whether I should put my hand to this task. Yet these topics are actually the warp and woof of my writing thus far - you only have to dig a little below the surface to see these themes poking through. But it's a point well taken that we all reach a point where our writing must move to the next level, if we are to pass along to the next generation something of enduring value. (When I say "we all" I refer to myself and those who came before me: Plato, Aristotle, Augustine, Shakespeare, the prophets - you know, us.)

So I decided that my first major treatise would be ... love.


As you can see, this is a topic I'm acquainted with. See that shirt? It says "loved by a whippet" - and if you look closely, you'll notice that I am that whippet!

So, when did I first realize I loved this little human?

It wasn't the other day, when I caught this little drummer boy using my dinner bowl and my spoon as his own little drum set! No, it wasn't then.

Was it as I waited - yet again - for our walk to begin, only to find we had to go through another round of pictures? No, it wasn't then.


You'll notice Scoche, by this point, was banging her head against the wall. Even the little boy was wondering when this would all end.

So when was it that I decided I loved the little boy?

Well, you see, this is where my treatise breaks new ground. I love unconditionally. What does this mean, you might ask. It means that I love because it's part of my nature, not because I receive anything in return. (Although donations are accepted. I will gladly accept gently used jars of fruits and vegetables, potatoes that drop to the floor, a chance to play with those cool blocks, etc.)

But unconditional love can take a lot out of you. This is because, as noted above, you don't receive anything in return. (Although donations are accepted. Did I mention that?) Fortunately for me, I am able to refill my little whippet love tank:


I absorb affection very effeciently. And this affection is then able to be turned into unconditional love throughout the day. By the way, affection always tastes best with a banana!

So, that's my treatise on love. I think the moral to the story is - and again, you heard it here first - love others the way you would want them to love you. And if your love tank is running low, let the T-shirt do the talking!

Sad Animals

They say to count your blessings. What if you don't have any?


That's when you have to remember those less fortunate than you. But I don't know anyone less fortunate than me! There are two reasons for this: First, it's hard to get to know your neighbors when you can't see over the fence. Second, my own feelings are so forceful that they demand all my attention and energy; I'd love to show compassion and empathy, believe me, but it's all I can do to control my own emotions! They're exhausting.

Fortunately my owner helps me to understand the plight of others to help keep everything in perspective.

The other day he took me here...


It smelled nice. It has my name, or at least most of it, on the building. But... Boy was this an eye-opening experience!

Not only was animal cruelty fully sanctioned here, and even celebrated, under the thin veil of "pet grooming." But I saw things like this there...


Do you see that?? These are low fat dog treats! How can the words "low fat" and "treats" be used in the same sentence? What poor animals have committed crimes worthy of punishment like this?

And that wasn't all. Right next to the "Pork Earz" and "Mammoth Bones" - perfectly healthy, normal appetizers - were something called guilt free treats. Guilt free treats? That's like saying "treat free treats"!

With treats like these, who needs enemies?

It all became very clear to me... There really are some animals out there who are truly sad. Probably in need of intensive, professional mental health care in fact. I feel like I've received treatment myself--this whole experience was like "shock therapy"!

Here's what my owner bought me:


Mmmm... Fat... Guilt... Buy one get one free... Yes, I think I see my blessings more clearly now!

In fact, could I have another one of those blessings while we're on the subject?



(Actually, since it's "buy one get one free" maybe I'll take two. Or four...)