Smarty Spot

Friday, August 24, 2007

No Animal Left Behind

Now, what would have happened if Noah had entered the ark without the animals? Not such a great story anymore, is it? Plus, the world wouldn't have remained as fun a place - could you imagine a world without whippets? I for one cannot.

Last weekend Scoche and I were left behind for a while. At first I took this to mean that we were given greater responsibility - which I've asked for, since I'd like to start owning my own pets (an aquarium for starts, then maybe work my up to some pidgeons and rabbits). But when I found the doors were all locked, and no spending money was left out for me, I realized my privileges had probably not been expanded.

I had almost grown bored of making prank phone calls when the owners finally came home. And now it all makes sense.

Believe it or not, but I think my owners are practicing to become parents! The reason I think this? They brought home this real life-like doll to experiment with, and they've been busy ever since. Here's my favorite picture of this new little squeaky toy:

It sure is good that they are going through all this rigorous training, because they clearly have a long way to go. For starters, they hardly have authority over this thing. He seems to call all the shots, a clear case of the tail wagging the dog (if you pardon the expression). And they're keeping him up all hours of the night, which hardly seems appropriate for a young baby.

Someone, get this child a village!

So how long before they graduate and are able to get a real boy? Well, it may be a little while. Now, some might think this prospect would worry me -- after all, where would that leave me?

Actually, I'm not too worried. God made sure that Noah took all the animals on board, but he also made sure Noah's whole family was in the ark too. That's because animals need quite a few humans around if their needs are going to be met promptly and with a smile. In my opinion, we could use a few extra hands around here.

Come to think of it, I think they would agree!

Friday, August 10, 2007

On the Lookout

Well, I finally got that EZ Bake Oven that I requested. There's a problem, however... I'm the one being baked!

This whole week has been an oven outside. I think I'm walking outside, but instead I'm walking right into someone's idea of a joke... And it makes me wonder who's laughing. Or is it, perhaps, someone's idea of a meal?

This can't be good.

But it might explain why I haven't received my BB Gun yet, even though I've been checking the mail every day. It has probably been intercepted by this Chef Boyardee wannabe.

You can imagine what this will do to my walks. Not only are the walks much less comfortable at feels-like-110 degrees but now someone is most likely watching my every move through my own shock-resistant scope! He...or she? probably just waiting for me to be "well done," which might not take too long since I went from "rare" to "medium well" in only 20 minutes yesterday.

The hunter has become the hunted. I guess I shouldn't be surprised now that we're further South... but I'm not going to baked, bulleted, basted and buttered without a fight!

Hey, wait a minute... it's raining now! If that snorkle came in the mail, I might gain the upper paw in this war of anonymous aggression.

Ha! Now look who's laughing!