Smarty Spot

Friday, September 21, 2007

The Nature of True Virtue

No trees were harmed in the making of this Smarty Spot.

The nature of true virtue has a lot to do with, well, nature. At least that's what the people on TV seem to say: a good person is friendly to the environment.

So I've been thinking about my carbon pawprint lately. Overall, I think I score pretty well! I've never harmed our local rain forest, or sought to depopulate it. If I've upset the ecosystem at all, it's only because my environment was invaded first.

So, I think that as far as virtue goes I qualify as a "good dog."

Okay, okay, it is true that I've requested my share of rides in the family van. With the air conditioning on. And my own can of Mountain Dew (it has to be in a can, otherwise it's not carbonated enough).

Oh, and there was that incident where I accidentally pumped the gas into the wrong person's car... through their window... But that's because I didn't grow up pumping gas - I'm originally from New Jersey, where they pump it for you. I'm not taking the blame for that.

Oh, and it's also true that I've eaten some of the environment... just the low lying part, though...

But that's not harmful to the environment, is it? I mean, not to its emotions. It's a sign of appreciation!

Besides, half of what I eat turns out not to be biodegradable anyway. My motto is "eat first, ask questions later." And that must be good for the environment!

So, I think my good deeds outweigh my bad ones, and that my carbon pawprint is bigger -- oops, I guess I mean smaller -- than average. I am very proud of myself.

And I guess that means I should look down on all of you. That's the way virtue works, right?

Shame on the rest of you!


You know...

It's lonely here at the top of the virtue food chain. Plus, there's not much to eat. I might just need to go munch down a few acorns or throw a soda can onto the lawn so I can be back down there with you less virtuous folks...

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound...

Friday, September 14, 2007

Stare Down

Eating is a concentrated effort.

You must keep your eyes open and your mind engaged at all times. The body likewise must be subdued, with all its muscles and members working together to maintain poise and readiness.

While this mealtime mindset is required all day, it is especially necessary as dinner becomes imminent.

Always count the bowls and containers and, most important, never let them out of your sight.

Now, this kind of concentration is not gained through osmosis. Which is a good thing, because lately it's been kinda hard to get much sleep. The new human seems to have been programmed wrong because he talks all night long! Not that I can actually understand him, all I can say is there's a lot of noise coming from his crate. (No fair that his crate has a sunroof, by the way.)

Then again, maybe he's not defective. Now that I think about it, one of the other humans talks in his sleep too... I've actually lost plenty of hours of sleep as I've had to listen to him babble on and on, and then I stay up even longer transcribing what he said. You never know when that may come in handy, after all: Some day I plan to publish these late night monologues... But first I have to figure out what "mom make me another bowl of smurfberry crunch" refers to exactly. Certainly I didn't miss something that was put into our bowls, did I? Impossible!

Anyway, you learn to sleep through the chatter. You have to, if you're going to keep alert when it most matters.

Scoche has had trouble sleeping through all this, though...

...which clearly affects her concentration at mealtime.

And that's why I'm always happy to help her finish!

Ahh yes... now I can sleep!

Friday, September 07, 2007


Is there a babysitter's union?

Monday was Labor Day, which seemed to mark my transition from carefree gazehound to a more "responsible" young animal.

I'm not sure what the word "responsibility" means. I used to think it was a scientific word that involved being responsive to the proper stimuli. And believe me, I've always felt pretty good about how I respond to stimulating events. I'm quick on my feet, as they say.

But apparently the word means something different, something that has to do with household chores and allowance. For this reason, I've been very busy these last couple weeks -- especially taking pictures of this new little human. You've probably noticed how many pictures of him are on the owners' website -- those didn't just get there by magic! Yes, once again, my opposable dewclaws come in "handy."

I'll tell you what gives me a little hope, though... did you see this picture?

Yes... with that set of wheels, this could one day be a beautiful relationship! If that little vehicle can get up to about 35 miles per hour - and I think it can, based on the times the male owner has raced it downhill - there could be some very nice advantages to having this little guy around!

The babysitter will become the babysat.

And that may indeed be the case... look at this:

For now, though, let's just hope that this shirt fits someone around here! All this sitting is making me itch for a little more walking... or running... or for that matter, even skipping, dancing, or flipping. Hey, I'd even do agility. Just get me out of this "sitting" mode for a little while!