Smarty Spot

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

House Hunters

Housing costs in New Jersey must be very, very low.

As I reported earlier in the month, I discovered that my female owner has a whole different house she lives in during the weekdays. Then, I slipped into the back seat of the male owner's car and followed him one day... and guess what? He has a second big house of his own, too! It's quite large, with a big bonus room for entertaining guests on Sundays.

He has another collection of books there, too. Doesn't he have enough here? It takes me long enough to color through one book, let alone 50 or 100. On the other hand, pop-up books don't take as long to read - although in that case, I usually try to read through them more than once. So I don't know what he needs all these books for, it seems that his life isn't so complex: make some coffee in the morning, read email, take me for a walk... it's not rocket science.

But here's a question: With housing costs obviously so low, why can't this family pictured below do a little better? As it is, they have constructed a little rickety home in our front yard:

Here are my theories... First, it looks like they have a lot of animals. If they feed raw, it might be that this has to be deducted from their housing budget. Also, all those animals would seem to incur some cleaning costs. Cleaning costs must be quite high in New Jersey because the male owner's "other" home office was a wreck... and I'm sure that if he had the choice he would like someone to tidy things up.

I'm not sure if the angel is very expensive or not, since I haven't studied up on the supply and demand. But I've heard that everyone gets at least one for free. I guess it depends if it's a Guardian Angel or not. Perhaps certain exotic breeds are more pricey; I'll have to check that out on Amazon.

It looks like there's a new baby in this family... now, that might deduct from the housing budget. But I've heard rumor about this baby that no crying he makes, so he can't be too hard to care for. Plus, it looks like he received some pretty nice gifts.

In any case, I'm wondering if we should invite them in...

Merry Christmas!

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Asleep at the Wheel

Snow or no snow, winter is here! I didn't quite realize what this would mean for my little bear cub body, which has suddenly started "hibernation mode." This means I have been sleeping far more than normal...even for me!

I try to make it over the computer... but then I pass by my nice warm bed... and I just can't resist.

Is there such a thing as sleep addiction? Well, don't both answering that, because I don't want intervention yet!

However, I've been on the investigative trail and I do have some adventures to report. If you'll just allow me one more nap, I'll be back soon!

- Smarty

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Take Your Whippet to Work Day

Did I ever tell you about my visit to my owner's "workplace"?

I always assumed that if she left me at home all alone all day - well, with Scoche (sorry) - she must be doing something very important that she can't do here. Fighting fires was my first guess, working as a double agent to break up covert criminal cells was my second.

Well, it turns out that she works from home! Only not from our home! Here's her building:

I'm not expecting any fire engines to come roaring out of that door. It's a house!

Well, that didn't quite rule out the covert operation theory. But then we actually got to go inside - and look at what I saw, to my complete astonishment:

She's in an office on a computer!!

What's odd about that, you ask? That's what she does here! In fact, she was even on the same websites.

This doesn't make any sense. Why would she leave me all alone all day only to go off to another house with another computer? I've always been of the understanding that the world revolves around me. I don't think this is a pride issue, it's just a matter of simple observation. But this part doesn't fit.

But if the world doesn't revolve around me...

No, that just can't be it. Too many other things fit that pattern, so why abandon a perfectly reasonable worldview over one little doubtful discovery? Hmm... Maybe this is what the owners mean by "faith."

Either way, I'll get to the bottom of this mystery, just you wait!

Monday, December 11, 2006

Not So Cool

Let's pretend this last week didn't happen.

But if you want the details, read on...

* * *

Some very tasty things come out of the kitchen freezer. When that door opens and I feel the cool air, my taste buds get ready. A long thawing process usually preceed the meal, but my taste buds remain alert the whole time just in case. They are not called buds for no reason!

Recently, however, my taste buds have registered some confusion. When I go outside, I feel the same cool air usually reserved for the freezer - in fact, last week it was even colder outside than it was inside the freezer! When this happens my taste buds kick into high gear, but eventually realize no food is thawing and abruptly shut down again. I'm very concerned that this may cause permanent confusion.

More confusing still is the cold shoulder I received when the female owner took off on a little vacation with mom (Scoche). They left me "with" the male owner. Now, I put the word "with" in quotes because most people define the word this way:

"With. Preposition. Accompanied by, accompanying."

Mr. male owner apparently defines it this way:

"With. Preposition. Occasionally visit. Stop by once in a while to soothe one's conscience."

Okay, I admit, he was very nice when he was around. I think the little treats were his way of soothing his own conscience, though I was happy to serve in this way. But overall he seemed to be on the go a lot, leaving me alone with the TV, internet, and some coloring books I've been trying to finish up.

But I wonder why the female owner didn't take me with her. She took Scoche! This was so distressing to me that I could hardly concentrate on my coloring books' plot lines and main characters. More than once I found I needed to go back and reread something I had already colored.

I'm sure they had a great time together. I heard there was a race this weekend, so at first I figured they went there without me - which is too painful to even imagine. But then I remembered that last time the female owner went away she went to sunny California. So I realized that while I was alternating between being bored indoors and freezing outdoors, she and mom were hitting the beaches, having a great old time!

I even found this picture on the camera.

Scoche came home with her foot wrapped up. Racing injury? More likely a surfing or water skiing injury!

They tried to make this up to me by taking me "with" them yesterday. Again, notice the quotation marks. This time "with" apparently meant "to leave in the car while visiting the nice family with the cute little girl."

But the worst part was what they made me wear:

Can you believe this? I'd be happy to wear something cool like a racing blanket, a nice new collar, or even a cape. Even a simple bow would be festive, yet tasteful. But what kind of mockery was this meant to be? I am not a clown, I am a sophisticated racedog! Though if you are trying to make me run off and join the circus this is pretty strong motivation!

All will be forgiven on one condition: Next time I get to go windsurfing.

No more clowning around!

Monday, December 04, 2006

Lefty Behind

I've had so many good playmates this past year. One of them was the little red pup pictured below.

His name is Lefty and it turns out that he's my half brother. That's pretty cool because I never had a brother before, so even a half is greatly appreciated.

Now you may wonder, "What's a half brother?"

I wonder that too. At first I thought it referred to his size. But then I realized I have another half brother who lives in Atlantic City. So maybe somehow you put the them together and it makes a whole brother?

Oh, brother.

Well, anyway, what I really wonder about it where all these half brothers and whole sisters go when they leave here. Who (or half who) would want to leave here? We have food, a backyard, a nice freezer full of food, mom is here (even if a little aloof), a computer, food service, squirrel sightings, breakfast and dinner...

Of course, I know what Lucy is doing -- she's training for the olympics:

But what about Lefty? Where did he go?

Well, it turns out he graduated! Isn't that exciting? This is him... he's the one just left of center, the little guy (hmm, maybe that is what half brother refers to after all).

So now I predict the next question is "graduated from what?"

That's another tough question... In fact, when Ifirst saw the picture I thought it was Lefty with his stuffed toy collection. I knew it didn't quite make sense with all those humans dispersed through the photo, but that one to the far right really threw me off.

So I kept wondering, where did Lefty graduate from and who are all those strange looking creatures with him?

Then I was watching TV and saw a documentary called "Star Wars." It's all about these Jedi Knights from all different planets. And I thought, by looks of it, maybe Lefty became a Jedi. It would kind of fit his personality... he was always kind of thoughtful, wise... but most of all, it would explain all those funny creatures who graduated with him.

Congratulations, Lefty!

And remember, with great power comes great responsibility! Wait, that's from another movie... Well, use your force wisely!