Smarty Spot

Sunday, March 15, 2009

My Birthday! Over the Hill...or Sneaking Around it?

Today I turn four!

That's almost 30 in human years which would mean, of course, that my best years are waaay behind me.

Fortunately, I know how to out-Smart the system.

First of all, "30 is the new 20." So that gains me a decade right there. Subtracting for my generally sunny and youthful personality brings me down another notch, so let's say that brings me to about twelve. Finally, compare me with those around me...and you easily cut my age in half. That brings me to six. Then, rounding down to the nearest number divisible by get...let's see...four!

So, I'm four. I can handle that.

But I decided that I do need to begin thinking about growing older, if only to help others less fortunate than myself. It's time to add wisdom to my resume.

So, where do I turn? To my master? Ummmm... nah. How about to my good friend Joel? He's an old soul, and he'll be able to help.

A quick search on his blog leads me to a list of twenty (!!) suggestions about how to grow old with dignity. The first on the list is "Don't move to California." That's a manageable goal. The second suggestion is "Do not watch TV news shows or read tabloid newspapers." That's impossible--I have to keep up with these just in case I get mentioned in them. Brand management is hugely important to me.

Okay, you know what, there are 18 more suggestions listed. Twenty suggestions?? I will definitely grow old if I spend my time reading all of those.

So I Google "what's the one thing I need to know about getting older (not that I'm really getting older)" and I come up with this: "Two things are certain: Death and taxes."

I've never paid taxes in my life! So at best this little piece of insight is batting .500.

You know what? I'm just going to stay young. People who get older don't seem to know what they're talking about.