Don't Leave Me Out!

I don't like being left out of anything. If the van is leaving, I want to be in it. If food is being eaten, I want to taste it. If affection is being lavished, I want to be the lavishee. You get the picture.

As a pup of my generation, I also don't want to be left out of any technological trends. Face it, you fall behind even one day and the next thing you know you're irreparably passe. I mean, could you imagine living in today's world without your own cell phone, iPod, or 3D glasses? I for one cannot, and will not!

Which is why I worry when I see something like this:


What's going on here? It looks like the little human is being trained to fly his own spaceship, which I've wanted to do since I was four months old. This is very unfair.

And check out this new little eating contraption:


I think it's called an iBowl. You eat out of it like a regular bowl, but it comes in fancy colors and the food is downloaded straight into your mouth. You can only imagine how much I want one of those!

As you can see, I can't afford to fall behind any further. Next thing you know, they'll invent a way for dogs to let themselves into the backyard and I'll still be standing at the door waiting to be let out by someone else, looking like a complete idiot! Pass me the lava lamp and the 8-track tapes while you're at it...

There's only one thing to do: Begin advanced negotiation techniques.

Hand over the iBowl and you can have the kid back!

Identity Politics

Today is the presidential primary in our state! I was very excited to get my first chance to vote, and made it a point to ride with the owners to the polling location. It turned out to be very animal friendly, as you can see by these signs they posted to direct the different species to their respective polling places.


In my opinion - which I think is a pretty educated opinion, since I overhear commercials and saw some signs on the way in to the polling place - we need a change in Washington. We need a president who is a "man of letters." So I narrowed down my choices to the two candidates with the most letters in their names - Dennis Kucinich and Mike Huckabee. Both of these candidates were pretty funny when I saw them on Comedy Central, and a sense of humor is important to gain my endorsement. "Huckabee" is a little more fun to pronounce, which is vital because the main duty of the president is for us to talk about him.

Two things pushed Huckabee over the top, though. First, he is still in the race and Kucinich isn't. That didn't hurt. But I usually vote the issues, and not just electability. And the issue most dear to me - raw food availability - seems to be Huckabee's strong suit. He himself once ate a squirrel that was popped to perfection in a popcorn machine! Litmus test completed, turned in on time, and graded with an A+!!

I waited patiently in the car while the owners voted. By "patiently" I mean that I barked the whole time, just to make sure that I wasn't forgotten. But I wasn't! Sure enough, they came back out for me.

Or did they?

Once they returned, they drove right off - talk about voter suppression! How is my voice going to be heard?

Fortunately for me...

I'm a superdelegate!


(All I really wanted was the cool sticker anyway.)